Gypsy's Angry Nitpicks
August 26, 2002
< >Before reading this page, you may need to review the Chamber of Secrets picture gallery and also view the trailer at least once or twice. I'd almost suggest opening up another window for the picture gallery, because I refer to pictures often and sometimes tell you exactly where to look, while others are pretty easy to find.
Dobby is disgusting looking. I'm really unsure of what he looks like, but the best I can express at the moment is that he looks like the clone of a dog-mouse-bunny gone terribly wrong (as if the experiment before it wasn't terrible enough). The only plus is his voice, which isn't as high as I'd like but satisfactory just the same.
Daniel Radcliffe is moving into adolescence too quickly. He has a chest, he's getting broader shoulders, and he's getting much taller - but we can't exactly stop any of that from happening (unless you feed him COFFEE!). I've been hearing murmurs about his being replaced in upcoming movies and I won't be altogether too surprised. Emma Watson is young enough and small enough for her part, and I think Rupert Grint, though older than Daniel, will stay because he's not really easy to replace. ::hides instantly from screams and extremely misguided blows:: For all you Daniel fans who protest that last comment, Mr. Radcliffe can be replaced fairly easier if they doll his replacement up enough! ::grumbles:: Maybe they'll even give that one green contact lenses.
The burrow design is interesting, but I haven't seen the inside . . . And, correct me if I'm wrong, I thought there was some sort of a garage or carport.
The Ford Anglia gets into a nice rumble, you might say, with the engine of the Hogwarts Express over a coincidentally placed bridge. It fits into the plot okay and has no real significance, but its almost as if the writer, producer, and director all thought the movie didn't have enough drama and action (when, if you read the book, it clearly does).
While Hedwig is in the car, staring at the approaching train, she looks absolutely fake in the press photo (her eyes are very unnatural and her feathers look like they've been awkwardly stuck into Styrofoam or cardboard). Unfortunately, now I can't even tell, because she moves in the trailers - and its very hard to tell whether it's a machine popping up its head and looking scared, or if they decided to scare the poor animal into making such a movement. . . . Well, now that I mention that, it's probably not the latter or I will be having very strong words with the Humane Society. ::growls::
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Harry and Ron do not crash into the Whomping Willow. We can knock this down to the highly sophisticated graphics needed and budget, but maybe we can't! The Whomping Willow one of the most important elements of Prisoner of Azkaban and is integral to Professor Lupin's life, including the last few scenes of the book!
Amended: They do crash into the Whomping Willow, but it's an ugly, mechanical thing. ::spits at Christopher Columbus::
Emma Watson's hair has . . . matured. I'm not saying I don't like it; the style is just very different and more hair salonish than anything else. It's not exactly natural looking, that's all. It just makes her look even prettier than she already is, which has been a source of complaints lately.
Hugh Mitchell, albeit cute and adorable (I wish I was twelve, then I could swoon!), is not Colin Creevey. Colin is supposed to be a short, mousy boy with light brown hair who smiles weakly, scampers about and squeaks out his words - all like a little mouse.
Kenenth Branagh is a very good actor, but he is also not his character. Gilderoy Lockhart is supposed to be an all-smiles, manipulative pretty boy and Branagh is not. I would rather have seen Eddie Izzard in the part of Gilderoy Lockhart (which would have been interesting!) than him. Hmm, perhaps Eddie could be Lupin.
The duel between Harry (Radcliffe) and Draco (Felton) looks as if its occurring on the top of one of the Great Hall tables, draped in a Wiccan/Celtic-inspired table cloth. And then, Harry starts doing acrobatics in the air. ::looks around slowly:: Right. He should go out for the Olympics, then, instead of dodging curses. The boys also appear to be standing different distances apart in a lot of the pictures, which I find a little "dizzifying."
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The points tables. Most of you are asking "Huh?" but if you look on this picture and look just to the right of Snape and Malfoy, you'll see what I'm talking about. I have no idea how they work, but they must have been idealized by J. K. Rowling for this movie, because they weren't there last time and the producers would not have known how to make them otherwise. The torchbearers are also very chic.
Tom Felton's hair! Eegads, I nearly puked when I saw his hair in the first movie. Now it looks slightly better, but I will say this slowly and clearly so movie execs can understand my shared philosophy on the hair of a one Thomas "Tom" Felton: His. Hair. Will. Never. Look. REAL! ::laughs bitterly and scowls:: I'm sure they've also given him skull and follicle cancer with all that bleach. . . . Just kidding.
The girl playing Millicent Bulstrode (you have to look for her in the picture with Ron being eyed by Malfoy) looks very good for the part. Buwahaha.
Drawings and symbols are beginning to become a dominant thing in the released stills and trailer(s). In the galleries, you'll find a lot of pictures where McGonagall and Snape are standing in front of several blackboards - all of which are covered in notes, symbols, images, and other such script.
I still think Hagrid's hut is wood. ::is silent for a long time, then lets out a long howl::
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I always thought of the blood writings on a flat wall, completely different from what they have. It would be much clearer to read, but perhaps having to take time to decipher the message makes it more clear and horrifying than on a flat surface.
David Bradley, playing Argus Filch, looks awesome again. I have repeatedly told friends, peers, and adults that the small characters in the movie really help it along and add character to it, no matter what actually happens in the entirety of the movie. For example, Bradley and John Hurt (as Mr. Ollivander) were exceptional for their roles and really assisted in the carrying of the movie. Sean Biggerstaff's Oliver Wood role, along with the Phelps twins, was also very amusing, and lightened my overall mood a bit.
The Forbidden Forest (pas Dark, dag nabbit! What the hey?!) is still a ridiculous set. Trees in a forest supposedly that old and mysterious as the Forbidden Forest are not tall gangly things that look like I could push over with a little pressure from my index finger. They are supposed to be tall and big and root bound, reaching out in all directions with their branches and roots as if to entangle any daring or unsuspecting passersby. The set of the "Dark Forest" disgusts me greatly and always has.
Aragog is too big in my eyes, having to consider the size of the other spiders, but cool just the same. ::tweeds happily::
The Christmas celebration in the Great Hall is cute, but I have two problems. One, I don't see how they could possibly eat with (fake?) snow falling on them. Two, there are too many freaking people! There's at least fifteen per stinkin' table!
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The polyjuice potion is supposed to have been made INSIDE one of the bathroom stalls, not sitting out in the middle of the freaking bathroom where anyone can see! And Moaning Myrtle is supposed to be hanging out with them IN the stall!
A sink is supposed to open up, not the whole darned sink contraption. In the movie, the basins are aligned in a large circle and all come apart - although it beats me how that's even possible, because a floor would have to drop away and then there's the plumbing . . . yes, I will now shut up.
The voice of the basilisk is incredibly stupid. Why? Because you can't even understand what the hell - excuse my French - it's saying! ::seethes and starts throwing things::
Tom Riddle's diary is wider (in length left to right) than I would have thought and squatter (up and down), but I somewhat enjoy how the letters come and leave. 'Tis pretty cool.
The statue of Salazar Slytherin is way too big, although my pal Aileen says differently. ::shrugs and glares at Aileen, mouthing "Give me some support, gosh darn you!"::
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The doors of the chamber of secret are also not correct. ::casts a bitter, silver-dagger laden gaze over at Warner Brothers::
Christian Coulson is a strange Tom Riddle at best. He doesn't exactly have the swagger I expect Riddle to have, but he does have (from what I can tell through the fifteen or less words he has in the trailer) the eerie confidence. "Let's test the power of Slytherin against Gryffindor," he coos in a menacing way to Harry, advancing on the scarred boy, flicking the hair out of the way so he can see his dirty work. It's all very cool and a trifle sexy. ::winks::
MESS UP OF THE CENTURY: I sent the following to an intimate involved with the Harry Potter movie production and I think I make a very good point. (Please refer to paperback British version of Chamber of Secrets, because I checked it for confirmation and I was sending this complaint/info to England.)
On page 231, in the middle, a passage is such:
< >"Voldemort," said Riddle softly, "is my past, present, and future, Harry Potter . . ."
< >He pulled Harry's wand from his pocket and began to trace it through the air, writing three shimmering words:
TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE
< >Then he waved the wand once, and the letters of his name rearranged themselves:
I AM LORD VOLDEMORT
< >The reason why I'm giving you this paragraph is to prove a point. In the picture of the special services award given to Mr. Riddle by Hogwarts, the name of the recipient is: "T. M. Riddell." This is a fairly blatant mistake, and I've checked both the American and British versions. Both, of course, are "T. M. Riddle," and it bothers me extremely that something like this could - and, frankly, did - occur. Even if the above passage didn't make it into the movie, it is an obvious mistake on the production crew's part and it's strange that not a soul seems to have noticed the error. Kids who adore the books may leave the movie with good feelings, but will always wonder why in the world they changed the name, and a lot of anger will spread across Harry Potter sites (mainly because the mistake is so odd and excuse me for the production crew, but rather stupid). If I sound callous and biting, you're right. ::snarls::
< >Summed up, the acting is still very good. I really enjoy Rupert Grint (although he's not my exact Ron) and I adore Emma Watson. While put in for [more, possibly too much more] comic relief as Seamus Finnigan, Devon Murray is very funny and all the other kids are great (except for Neville Longbottom's hair. What is up with all the black hair?! Aren't they any natural blondes at Hogwarts?!). The adults are great; Robbie Coltrane's Hagrid and Alan Rickman's Snape are truly the best, superb with their lines, expressions, and appearances. But I still think I'm going to watch Richard Harris have a sudden heart attack and die, while the others go, "Oops, Dumbledore's off for another nap. Nighty-night, sir!" The only character I don't like is actually Daniel Radcliffe. He's overly expressive and while I know its hard to carry such a role, he does not seem to be able to reach into his character's depths very deeply.
< >The set, production, writing, are not very good. The logistics that have been set up by the production crew for the castle are very miscalculated. I don't want to go into stuff about the lake not being in the right place or there being way (as in waaaaaaaay) too many staircases, but it's just not very well-planned out. Prisoner of Azkaban the movie will suffer because of the Anglia not crashing into the Whomping Willow - if they didn't have the graphic talent to make such a tree, why would they have it in the next year? They'll also be subject to more of this extremely biting (but I think most of you agree with me that its also deserved) commentary. Hermione sitting in the middle of a bathroom which could be used at any time is ridiculous, the act of the sinks pulling apart is more ludicrous than a single sink opening up wide, and the mistake on the Hogwarts special services award is absolutely abominable.
< >The production team of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets has severely thrashed the setting and we can only hope that the amazing actors they so luckily were able to bring on can hold the movie up at least a little. It's a little sad to watch the actors have to do something like that, especially when most of them are working on bringing about the characters as they should be instead of trying to keep the entire movie afloat.
-- Gypsy and Chako'Lanna, Inc.
July 21, 2002
Chamber of Secrets